Scott Pilgrim vs the World (2010)

Starring: Michael Cera, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, 
Kieran Culkin, Anna Kendrick, Jason Schwartzman

Directed by: Edgar Wright

Written by: Edgar Wright, Michael Bacall

Duration: 1hr 52 mins

Rating: 2 out of 5

I really wanted to like Scott Pilgrim vs the World.  I love Spaced, and thoroughly enjoyed Edgar Wright’s first two movies.  Both Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz took elements from Wright’s seminal ‘90s TV show and gave them their own platform to breathe: Tim’s Playstation-all-nighter-induced zombie fantasies for Shaun, the John Woo shootout tribute episode for Fuzz.

SPACED:  SUCCESSFULLY TOWED A DELICATE LINE 

Scott Pilgrim is effectively an extension of the Spaced sequence where Daisy and Tim’s argument is intercut with footage of a Tekken bout.  Wright married this concept to existing material – Bryan Lee O'Malley’s series of Scott Pilgrim graphic novels – and hired leading man-child of the moment Michael Cera to star.  Learning that a movie is based on some obscure comic book doesn’t usually fill me with optimism, but hey, A History of Violence turned out pretty good.  I’ve enjoyed Cera’s work ever since the peerless Arrested Development; I grew up straining my thumbs on the NES and Mega Drive; and was suitably excited by the prospect of Edgar Wright’s big(ger) budgeted debut across the pond, so went into Scott Pilgrim vs the World with an open mind.

I tried to like it.  I really, really did.  But I hated it.

SOMEWHAT OVER THE TOP

Spaced was geeky.  Very geeky.  The DVD has the option to display a ‘homage-o-meter’ on screen that points out all the references, and when I watched both series this way I recognised the vast majority of them – so I guess that makes me pretty geeky, too.  But I’m not comfortable embracing the whole ‘geek chic’ thing.  I don’t have a sci-fi TV series obsession, I’m not into fantasy, I don’t love Spielberg or Star Wars, and I certainly would never attend a fans’ convention.  There’s nothing wrong with any of these things, but they’re a bit beyond me. Frankly, pure geekiness makes me feel queasy; I find it all just too childish and removed from reality – an arrested development, if you will.  Spaced came close to being too geeky but never crossed the line as it always had more down-to-earth and ‘adult’ material to supplement the nerdy stuff: the clubbing episode, casual drug usage, Mike’s guns, going to the pub.

Scott Pilgrim vs the World is like Spaced but with the geekiness undiluted.  Watching it is like downing a whole bottle of pure blackcurrant squash in one go, and I felt suitably nauseous from start to finish.

LET BATTLE COMMENCE... IF YOU REALLY MUST

I can’t help thinking that it was Jessica Hynes’ (nee Stephenson) matronly influence on the set of Spaced that stopped it from erupting into a fully-blown geekgasm.  I can picture Edgar and Simon trying to shovel more and more references, meta devices and visual trickery into an episode, and Jessica rolling her eyes and tutting, “Now come on boys, you’re just getting a bit silly now.”

Because with Scott Pilgrim, the shackles are off.  And it’s exhausting.

STUFF IS HAPPENING IN THIS SCREENCAP

The plot, if you must know, concerns our hero’s quest to win the heart of the gorgeous Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), a task that, for some ambiguous reason, requires him to defeat her seven ‘evil’ exes in hyper-reality Street Fighter-style battles involving huge swords, migraine-inducing visual effects and a general wealth of video game touches (finishing moves, power ups, energy bars, all that). 

I can sum this movie up in one word: annoying.  Within the first five minutes we’re introduced to Ellen Wong’s bubbly and hyperactive Knives Chau, possibly the most irritating love interest in the history of cinema.  I think we’re supposed to find her cute and adorable, but instead the effect is that she makes Michael Cera’s character seem like an idiot for putting up with her for more than one second.

BUBBLY, QUIRKY, KOOKY...  ALL SYNONYMS FOR "ANNOYING"

In fact, our hero is consistently portrayed as a bit thick, which is fine, but Wright and co-writer Michael Bacall make Scott's dimness so over the top it becomes completely ridiculous and alienating.  When he orders a CD online he doesn’t grasp that it won’t arrive instantly, and so sits cross-legged staring at the front door.  Hahaha, what a hilarious buffoon.

Mary Elizabeth Winstead is lovely, and I can understand any young man becoming besotted with her.  But her Ramona is so annoyingly morose and aloof that she lacks any of the sparkle that turns mere physical attractiveness into something magical.  Plus the way her hair kept on changing colour reminded me of the excellent Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, making me wish I was instead watching a movie that dealt with adult relationships in an adult way.

COME ON LOVE, CRACK A SMILE

Kieran Culkin’s flatmate is an annoying, smug know-it-all.  Anna Kendrick portrays his female equivalent; Kendrick is an actress who has aggravated me in everything I’ve seen her in, reminding me of a condescending younger sister who’s full of opinions and self-importance whilst actually knowing jack about life.  Which is exactly what she plays here.

The members of Pilgrim’s band, the Super Mario Brothers referencing Bob-Ombs, are all annoying, portrayed either as whiney emasculated males or Alison Pill’s sullen and acid-tongued bitch.

A MILLION MONKEYS RE-WRITING A MILLION THESAURUSES COULDN'T 

COME CLOSE TO DESCRIBING HOW MUCH THIS MAN IRRITATES ME

Then, for the pièce de résistance, we have Jason Schwartzman as the final boss.  I can’t stand Jason Schwartzman.  He was a nauseating brat in Rushmore and has since honed an obnoxious, hateable screen persona that gives Bradley Cooper a run for his money.  Spun, I Heart Huckabees, Funny People…  I wanted to strangle him every time. And with this flick he rises to his mugging, scenery-chewing, gurning peak.

BRANDON ROUTH VS HENRY CAVILL WOULD HAVE BEEN SPICIER

Pluses?  Well, Chris Evans displays a nice line of self-mocking irony that the rest of this earnest and eager affair could have seriously done with. And Brandon Routh’s amusing superhero vegan manages to both bring to mind his sorely-underrated Superman turn and remind us that he really should be a bigger star.

When it comes down to it, Scott Pilgrim’s biggest problem is that it’s a musical, with fighting instead of singing and dancing.  I hate musicals.  An ex-girlfriend of mine once chirped how wonderful it would be if real life was a musical, with everyone bursting into spontaneous choreographed song and dance numbers all the time.  It wouldn’t, it would be awful.  I cringe so hard when I’m forced to sit through a musical that my face has lines imprinted on it for several subsequent days.  Exactly like my experience watching Scott Pilgrim vs the World.

IF THIS REALLY WAS A VIDEO GAME, I DON'T THINK MANY
PEOPLE WOULD CHOOSE TO PLAY AS WET DOOFUS SCOTT

Wright is obviously a highly creative and visually adept filmmaker.  I just hope next time he eases up on the energy drinks and rediscovers the balance of nerdiness and maturity that made his earlier work so unique and enjoyable.  **